Your spouse tells you that they want to get divorced, and you have a lot of immediate questions to ask about things that need to get resolved quickly. What should you do with the house? Who has to pay off the debt? How do you create a parenting plan?

It is important to ask these questions and seek answers. What you do during a divorce helps to define what your life looks like after the split. That’s something you want to take seriously.

At the same time, though, it’s natural to ask some more “big-picture” questions about the toll of a divorce on your future. Some examples of these include:

  • How is a divorce going to impact your children and are they going to be okay?
  • Are you ever going to feel all right with what happened? Is there hope for you to still create the life that you want?
  • Is the split going to be one of the best or the worst decisions in your life?
  • What can you learn from having to face this, from overcoming this obstacle?

These are, generally speaking, emotional questions. But they do help to expose some realistic truths: They show what you care about.

For instance, if you’re worried about whether or not the children are going to be okay, that shows that you care about them. Your goal should be to shift that energy into looking into their best interests, your rights as a parent and the type of child custody arrangement that will benefit them the most. When you find out what steps you can take, you can answer some of the hard questions for yourself and build the post-divorce future that you want.